From Tom Hanks and Meg Ryans’ characters falling in love on top of the Empire State Building in Sleepless in Seattle to Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds’ characters moving from feelings of disdain to affection in The Proposal, romantic comedies have held a special place in people’s hearts since the genre’s debut in 1924. Over the last century, this movie and TV category has taken viewers through a rollercoaster of emotions — whether it be a stomach full of butterflies, the agony of heartbreak, or the satisfaction of characters ending up with their soulmate.

“By design, rom-coms don’t depict relationships very accurately,” says Bryant’s Assistant Professor of Psychology Melanie Maimon, Ph.D., whose expertise lies in social psychology.

People want storylines to be engaging and exciting, which results in creators showing the fun, passionate side of new relationships while depicting satisfying components found in long-term relationships; however, when you look past the surface-level enjoyment of the film and critically engage with the content, there’s a lot to unpack. 

“For viewers, there’s a removal from reality and an aspect of escapism,” Maimon says. “I think these movies also show us things we wish would be easier for ourselves.” 

Do rom-coms influence our behaviors? 

While there isn’t a lot of experimental research that looks at how rom-coms affect people, Maimon notes that researchers can use psychological theories to hint at rom-coms’ influence on viewers. For instance, through social learning theory and social cognitive theory, individuals will use others as models of behavior — whether it be a sibling, friend, parent or (in this case) media. 

“A lot of movies can convey social norms, so people may turn more to the media to see examples of positive relationships if they don’t see that in their own lives,” Maimon says. “If someone watches a lot of movies where they see behaviors that are successful in people finding loving relationships, they might be like ‘I can do that’ and that behavior could shape how they are approaching those things in their day-to-day life.”  

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She adds that some research finds that people who watch romantic films have more romantic ideals — such as love conquers all, a desire for a more passionate love, and more excitement about self-disclosure in relationships. Still, a lot of this research is correlational. 

“It's very possible that people are drawn to that media because they already have those ideas and not necessarily that watching that content is giving them those ideas,” Maimon says.

Examining models of behavior 

While televised entertainment has scripts, Maimon notes that psychology has its own set of “scripts,” which are preset notions that people have for certain situations. For instance, when you order food at a restaurant, you know your order of expected behaviors based on past experiences. 

“Movies can give us a lot of scripts for relationships, so you might develop a script for what are the steps for a first date,” Maimon says. 

Rom-coms can model good starts to relationships for viewers – such as desired closeness and the sharing of intimate details; however, characters’ level of devotion to one another escalates extremely quickly. Individuals express feelings of deep love after two weeks or make 180-degree changes to deep-rooted problems that, Maimon says, only years of therapy could fix. She notes that these quick fixes could speak to things we wish were easier for ourselves. 

While we enjoy these movies, Maimon notes that it's important to acknowledge the unrealistic aspects of rom-coms and have open conversations — especially for adolescents who don't have a lot of experience with their own romantic relationships and may use media as a guide for how to behave. 

“I remember reading the ‘Twilight’ books when they came out, and my friends and I thought they were so romantic and were so hooked on this love story. Looking back at it with a critical lens when I was in college, I was like, ‘This is an abusive relationship.’ There were a lot of components of manipulation and abuse present in that relationship,’” Maimon says. 

Sweeping gestures vs. cut-throat remarks 

Romantic relationships between characters can appear contradictory by displaying sweeping romantic gestures and strong support while also highlighting fights, deception, neglect and unfaithfulness. According to Maimon, arguments that occur in film are far from healthy.

“Characters will throw something big in another person's face, and I'm like, ‘That would be an I'm-never-talking-to-you-again kind of statement.’ These things that could be relationship enders are being thrown around really casually,” Maimon says. 

When people have arguments in their actual relationships, Maimon says there should be more positive emotions. 

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“Being positive is super hard when you're frustrated, but if you can do things that keep it lighthearted and focus on being a team that's trying to resolve a conflict rather than it being me versus you, that works better and is more characteristic of couples who have long lasting relationships,” she says. 

Maimon notes that this idea comes from a married couple — John Gottman, Ph.D., and Julie Gottman, Ph.D., — who have been conducting relationship research for more than 40 years. In social interactions between a couple, the two researchers found that for every one negative feeling or statement, an individual needed five positive interactions to balance it.  

“If the big blow-up fights you see in rom-coms were how couples always fight, they probably wouldn't stay together,” Maimon says. 

Enjoy but critically engage 

It may be difficult to determine the influence that rom-coms have on our love lives, but the genre can provide insight on what we should and should not look for in relationships. For those who are looking for a guide to healthy relationships – opt for TV shows where there is more time to flesh out full relationships. Maimon notes that Jake and Amy from “Brooklyn 99,” Ben and Leslie from “Parks and Recreation,” and Babette and Maury from “Gilmore Girls” are good examples of positive relationships to keep an eye on. 

“Relationships that last have what we call companionate love, so there's more of an emphasis on friendship and sharing intimate details with one another, counting on one another for emotional and social support, caring for one another through the day-to-day aspects of life,” Maimon says. “That's not the fun stuff people like to see in movies, so we see a lot more depictions of passionate love than we do of companionate love or — if we see companionate love — it's really just between friends.”