Holiday music is on the radio and houses are decorated in colorful, twinkling lights. However, with the season’s festive cheer comes moments of stress from holiday shopping, meal preparation, and occupational demands as companies close out the year. On top of this, visiting or staying with family for the holidays can add another layer of stress.

“Families are complicated and, even if we love and enjoy them, spending a lot of time together in close quarters under highly stressful times can be difficult — particularly if there's a lot of family history and baggage, which there usually is,” says Joseph Trunzo, Ph.D., Psychology professor and associate director of the School of Health and Behavioral Sciences.

To navigate the holidays with ease, Trunzo offers the following advice:

1. Know what topics to avoid

Heated topics differ from family to family, says Trunzo. While politics and religion may be common sources of tension for one set of relatives, personal issues may be the kindling that sparks another family’s argument.

“People need to think about the kinds of things they want to steer away from to lessen their stress,” Trunzo says.

If tense conversations are bound to emerge, go into gatherings with a plan for diffusing these situations. Families will respond differently to various diffusion methods, so consider whether your intervention should be subtle or explicit.

“You can always try stating, ‘we’re here as a family, let's try to have a good time,’ and then change the topic,” Trunzo says.

2. Establish ground rules

Before Aunt Sally has a chance to ask you about your recent breakup or Grandpa Paul launches into a political spiel at the dinner table, establish ground rules and expectations amongst the family prior to gathering.

Trunzo notes that it’s possible that not all family members will be respectful of requests to avoid certain topics or behaviors; therefore, individuals should be prepared for how they will handle the situation if their request is violated.

“The best thing to do at first is to politely, but firmly, restate the boundary, and give people a chance to correct,” Trunzo says. “If people continue to be problematic, then you have the option of removing yourself from the situation.”

3. Focus on positive vibes

Families are a complicated mix, but there are presumably positives about spending time with them.

“Focus on one or two of those positives and try to do things or talk about things that are going to enhance those favorable outcomes,” Trunzo says.

Before attending a family event you may engage with calming techniques that will put you in a good mindset; this could be as simple as practicing mindfulness, listening to your favorite music, or completing breathing exercises.

Trunzo advises against using alcohol to calm nerves since it tends to make potential conflict worse. Even though alcohol may lessen your stress, there’s a fine line between being destressed and compromising your impulse control.

4. Plan your lodging strategically

If you’re traveling for the holidays, determining where you’ll rest your head at night is important. Trunzo notes that staying with family is a cheap option, however, you may feel like you don’t have your own space. Additionally, if family dynamics become tense and difficult, you may not have a place to go.

He adds that staying at an Airbnb or hotel will give you more space from relatives and control over where and how you spend your time. This option is more expensive and may trigger hurt feelings from family members.

“Remember, those hurt feelings are the family members' issues, not yours,” Trunzo says.

5. It’s okay to bow out

If you don't trust your family to be respectful and think a certain occasion is going to be too difficult and painful, you can always bow out of the get-together. While saying no may be tough, Trunzo says people can make declining an invitation more difficult than it needs to be.

“No is a very powerful two-letter word, and you don't really owe anybody any explanations beyond that. They may try to make you feel like you do, but you don't,” Trunzo says.

Additionally, since the holidays bring upon a sleigh full of demands, don’t be afraid to adjust your expectations of what you “need” to do.

“People feel like they have to meet their own expectations and other people's expectations. It's okay to decide that you're not going to do x, y, or z this particular year if you don't feel like you have the resources,” Trunzo says.